St Patrick’s Day Humor

St Patricks Day Jokes

 

Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they’re always a little short.

Q: Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?
A: Because you don’t want to press your luck. I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home…That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.

Q: What’s Irish and stays out all night? A: Paddy O’furniture! Q: How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?
A: Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.

St Patricks Day Jokes

Q: What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
A: BOOs

Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland? A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin. Q: How do you blind an Irish woman?
A: You put a bottle of scotch in front of her.

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He’s Dublin over with laughter!

Q: What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A: A sham rock
Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

Q: Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold?
A: They like to “go” first class!

St Patricks Day Jokes
Q: How does every Irish joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!

Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

Q: Why doesn’t Simon Cowell drink on St Patricks Day?
A: It interferes with his suffering!

Q: Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
A: So the Irish would never rule the world.

Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor.

St Patricks Day Jokes
Q: What’s the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: 1 less drunk at the party

Q: Why don’t women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day?
A: ‘Cause they don’t want to get a “sham rock”.

Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?
A: St. O’Claus!

Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A: Sure, they’re green with envy!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!

Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A: To keep from falling in the stew!

Q: How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto?
A: Roll a 40 down the street!

Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
A: Sure, they’re great at shorthand!

Q: What’s long & green & has a low I.Q.?
A: a St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A: He took a shortcut!

St Patricks Day Jokes

Q: What is Irish diplomacy?
A: It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip

Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A: Short ribs!

Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A: Because they’re very short-tempered! “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” “Oh, really?” “No, O’Reilly!”

Q: What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland?
A: A sham rock

Q: Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Because they’re always wearing green

Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

Q: When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?
A: When it’s a FRENCH fry!

Q: What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A: Some poor horse is going barefoot!

Q: Why did the elephant wear his green sneakers instead of his red ones?
A: The red ones were in the wash!

 

St Patricks Day Jokes

Q: Why is a river rich?
A: Because it has two banks

Q: What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A: A Jolly Green Giant

Knock Knock Who’s there? Irish! Irish Who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Q: What do bullshitters like most about St. Patricks day?
A: the BLARNEY stone!






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